Friday, 20 April 2007

Some are specially bred

This is shit reporting

It is akin to asking a deaf and dumb decorator to explain the colour of wallpaper to a blind customer.

Let’s take a look at the report about this bobby who has been expunged from duties on the RPU.


1. he tripped a speed camera
2. he was responding to a RTC
3. he was stood down or stood himself down
4. he collected a Chinese throw away

Heres what we don’t know:

a. What was the geodetic distance based upon Transverse Mercater Projection principles between the Golden Cock (or whatever it was called), takeaway and the camera, and, at what point between the said Golden Cock and the camera did the officers commitment become aborted.

b. Who was the witness and what can be determined in regard to his – her –it’s (bark bark) experience in observational skills and indeed qualification to same.

c. Is the witness in gainful employment, or as I suspect, sticking his, her, its (woof woof) snout in the usual wasters cack.

d. What ‘form’ with regard to the witnesses reporting prowess has been established, ie is the witness of the same calibre as those who measure the grass on the dual carriageway and as soon as it exceeds 5mm over and above the specified length in the local authority ‘grass length limitation guidelines’, unleashes a tirade of legislative demands about cutting timescales, AND, is the witness one who, then, follows up by complaining that the grass cuttings are now being blown by the prevailing wind onto the public highway.

Here is what the reporter, Lander says:

Magistrates in Rotherham were told the takeaway had been ordered in advance.

What sort of bollocks from a journalist is that.

So fucking what. Here’s what we need to know – was he fetching a prisoners meal…….

If he was we have a short factual story to follow, but

If he was feeding the shift, well, bloody hell, was it time for refs, what about health and fitness, what about press ups, do they still do them as part of an annual fitness test, and that leads me on to Monosodium Glutamate in Chinese food and the functional qualities of the human digestive tract under chemical stress…………

Will this reporter be taken off typing duties and rested in the ‘remainder space’ dept of advertising revenues.

1 comment:

totallyun-pc said...

Your tapping in to the Police blog embitterment programme well my friend.

Remember the "POLICE found in Queen Mothers bed!" headline some years ago....

They were crashed out in seperate, un-used staff quarters after 14 hour shifts with a quick turn around for the next shift! But hell that ain't news!

The headline suggest there is a story there. Same with the recent Hopscotch one, where the call the police attended was to criminal damage by youths. They cam across a couple of toddlers in the street and gave them road safety advice. LIKE THEY SHOULD! but this wasn't enough for mum... there was a story in it. easy!